Updated: Oct 18, 2021
Let’s break the stigma!
What does that saying even mean? There’s lots of funny memes about it, ya know, like the one where all the married couples are happy and there’s that one friend downing a bottle of wine.
LOL - it’s funny right?
But, what do memes and statements like the above do? They shift your mindset, they encourage this self-deprecating sense of humor. And, ultimately bring down your confidence.
I’ve been that girl, 100%. I’ve also been the girl that stood by 7 of her closest friends on their happiest days. In those moments standing next to them, giving my blessing to their relationship, I was so happy (even teared up a bit.. okay a lot, at every wedding I’ve stood in. I’m emotional, okay?! haha!)
Anyway! How do we get to that meme picture? We’ve all been there, right? Asking questions and saying things like “What’s wrong with me? How come I haven’t found my person? I’ll never find anyone!”
The one thing we forget to do in those moments is take a serious look at ourselves. Like I said earlier, I am always so happy for all of my friends and their relationships. Love is amazing and I’ve gotten to witness great love on many accounts. So, why do we get in these slumps and think less of ourselves?
Well, to put it simply, it’s much easier to make jokes or to drink our problems away.
So, how do we break the stigma? How do we gain our confidence back? And, if you are in fact ready for a relationship, how do we make sure we are open to the idea of a relationship so that we don’t miss an opportunity?
It’s time to look in the mirror and break down the walls that we’ve built up & here’s how.
1. Sit down, take a deep breath and ask yourself “Am I actually ready for a relationship?”
2. FIGHT THE URGE to answer bluntly or immediately. (Aka “Uh duh”, “Look at me”, “Who wouldn’t want this?”) I only add this step for the people out there like me who like to hide behind jokes by making people laugh, because it’s only a cover. Get to the real root of the issue.
3. Maybe your answer is Yes. Yes I’m ready for a relationship. Well, then why is it not happening? Time for the next question. Am I open when an opportunity presents itself? Or, even better, do I notice when the opportunity is there? Okay, here we go, stick with me. Sometimes we build walls so high, we don’t even realize that we are deterring potential relationships. Your mind will tell you, no way that person is attracted to me and eventually that person loses interest or finds someone who is emotionally available. These walls may even be effecting your ability to put yourself out there. Your confidence has fallen and you start to believe the jokes you say about yourself. So, when you are surrounded by available people, you don’t feel confident about reaching out to talk to someone. There’s also a chance you’ve been rejected. And, rejection sucks. But, what one person thinks about you does NOT define you. YOU define YOU. Last, but not least, maybe you just don’t have the same social circles as you did in your early 20s and really don’t meet many single people running around. If that is the problem, well, I have a whole new blog post for that subject coming soon, because dating. is. HARD. However, if you seem to identify with the former, it is time to take your life back and to think clearly.
4. After taking a long look and answering the previous questions… you may actually identify closer to no. No, I’m not ready for a relationship.
Guess what? It is okay. Let me say that again. IT IS OKAY. It’s okay to not be ready! Because, self love is the most important thing before starting a relationship. Are you hearing that Ru Paul’s quote flashing in your head? I sure hope so, because it’s true.
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an A-MEN??” AMEN. It’s hard to realize you need to love yourself to attract others. But, trust me, once you do and once you continue to take steps on loving yourself, you won’t even be concerned about the issues you used to focus on so intently.
5. Time for some SELF LOVE.
Don’t measure your life against other people’s lives. Your worth is not defined by a relationship or by anyone but you. Know your worth.
Praise your body, don’t attack it. If you don’t love the way your body feels right this second, take small steps to make a big change. Find a fun workout that you can start to do (for me, it was swimming). Look up some healthy recipes and give it a go. Start bringing lunch to work, instead of eating out. Each small step will start your journey on loving your body & learning the ways to effect change.
Make mornings suck less. Create a morning routine with something you love to kickstart the day. This is a tough one for me, so I’ve listed below some of the things I’ve been doing that have helped: -Morning Swim / Quick Workout -Daily Journaling (Even just a couple lines can help set the day right) -Drinking some coffee & Reading a book -ACTUALLY eating breakfast -When you’re not snoozing your way through life, you’ll be shocked at the quick turn around in your days. You won’t dread the drive to work as much and will actually feel more present throughout the day. Easier said, than done, I know, this is one I’m still working on myself. But, this is so important.
Take time for just you. This really could be anything! -Take a bath with some of my favorite bath bombs & light a candle! -Take yourself to dinner & a movie! Why not? -Get your nails done -Go to get a Facial at Ulta! ($10 for 10 mins.. it’s GREAT, you may end up going back for a longer one sooner than you think) -Go on a hike -Go swimming -Join a Social Group of some sort. (I recently joined a book club and I’m loving it!) -Go shopping (But, be careful with this, because this could get out of hand!) -Play a round of golf! (or insert any other sport you enjoy) -Go to a fitness class or join a rec league. -Basically take time to do something just for you, because you deserve it.
Find Purpose. Set your Vision. Monitor your Mindset. -If you’ve been feeling stuck and at a standstill in life, this can affect your every move. It’s hard to love yourself, when you don’t love what you’re doing. So, take some time to figure out what it is you want in life (this could be broad or detailed, up to you). Having goals to work toward will infinitely help you love who you are and what you are capable of. You really can do anything as long as you take the steps to move forward. -Still need help with this? Take a look at my other blog post “The Truth About Goals: Let Me Tell You A Secret.” I breakdown what it means to set your vision and to maintain your mindset to achieve your goals.
So, next time you hear that saying “Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride,” switch the script, be damn PROUD of being a bridesmaid (or groomsman), because you earned that spot with the love and compassion you give to the world. And, most importantly, love yourself & good things will come your way.
Lastly, I will leave you with this, I am always learning, I am here to help, and no step in life is an easy one.
Cheers to taking the next step!
Until Next Time,